The Original Bikini

One bikini to rule them all. All your other bikinis will cower and hide when this glorious creation hits your dresser drawers. You'll never want to take this off because it is so flattering and so comfortable and you're gonna look so freakin good and feel even better. Lifting and supportive in all the right places. Your grandma will see you and then will be like, "oh dear I remember when I looked like that" and then you'll think about fleeting youth and the passage of time and maybe you'll get a little sad but it will go away fast cause you'll check yourself out in this bikini and be like oh damn I'm really hot and I shouldn't worry about aging because western society has completely pigeonholed women into believing that they're only attractive for a set amount of years and after that you're expired. But we reject this because it's a capitalist lie meant to sell you things and instead we rejoice in our ever-evolving feminine beauty and join hands and sing a witchy little song and eat some fruit and then realize we're all gonna be ok.. probably!